THE ART OF HONESTY
“Deceive is such a strong word though. Telling a little white lie isn’t the same as deceiving is it?”
Deception is lying and lying is deception. Both intend not to tell the truth. Dishonesty says something about our character. When we live dishonestly, we focus only on our own needs and wants and not the wants and needs of others— the very opposite of loving one another as yourself.
Take the proverbial question from the wife who asks, “Honey, how do I look in this outfit?” This simple question is one that puts a man in a difficult place for certain. However, if he doesn’t like the outfit on her, how can he tell her honestly without hurting her feelings? The truth is the only reason he may lie to her would be self-seeking. He may try to justify the lie that he is “protecting her emotions,” but what he is really doing is protecting himself from a bad night, the cold shoulder, or just wanting to leave the house because they are late for their dinner reservation.
Since we want to commit to honesty, though let’s try this again.
Woman: “Honey, how do I look in this outfit?”
Man: “Actually, it is not my favorite. I really like you in this other outfit. Would you consider wearing it?”
That answer may still hold up your plans, but she will at least know you care and are listening to her. The next time she asks you, she knows you will be honest with her. I realize this is a silly example of a very serious situation.
When someone hears the word honesty, they may immediately think—harsh truth, hurtful, a reminder of our faults, etc. However, honesty delivered in love is what builds the trust in the relationship. Love and truth must be presented with honesty if a relationship is built on trust.
Keep in mind that being honest doesn’t even mean the truth being told is going to come out the way you desire. The truth can come from someone in a variety of moods. However, if you know that person loves you and has your best interests at heart, even the harsh truth is better than allowing you to stumble and fall.
It takes time to build a relationship that has truth, honesty, and love as the foundation. Once it is built, lies and deception can make it come crashing down much faster than you can imagine. It does not mean you cannot build it again. Even if a house falls from the flames of deception, the debris that is left can be cleared, the foundation can be prepped again, and you can rebuild in the same spot.
Honesty and openness can be built in a relationship. What makes it that much stronger is accountability, the openness part. Committing to honesty also requires confession.